ventvent

[--» REXIA]

i just needed to "talk." D:

i've kind of felt like crap all day, and i was basically on auto-pilot, i don't remember anything that happened, really. mondays and wednesdays, my boyfriend comes to my house with me after school since he changes at my house before moving on to soccer, which is much further from his house. i'm kind of a clingy girlfriend, and i know that, but lately i've been feeling like he's been ignoring me. if we're around friends, he'd ignore me to go talk to them, and if we were alone, he'd start complaining about how "tired" he is and how he just doesn't feel like doing anything. he's also a bit of a movie//tv-freak, and it wasn't anything before, but now he's started to ignore me to go watch tv, or watch a movie, even though he's seen it before. yesterday he told me he couldn't talk because he was watching something "intense." last week he ignored my texts because he "didn't want to interrupt the movie." tbh, i don't call or text unless it's something kind of important, y'know?

butanyway, we were at my house after school, and he decided to completely ignore that i've been kind of off all day and go sit in the living room and watch tv. before he left, i tried to talk to him, but all he said was "i'm going to be late, bye" before leaving. are guys just this oblivious, or am i dating a dick? and... iunno, we've kind of been dating for a while, and i'd think--hope, really--that he'd kind of know if i feel a little off. tbf, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. he's been ignoring me more and more, and now i feel like he just doesn't even care about me anymore. [cue cliche music?] should i just cut it off with him before it gets worse?

later, i read something really touching about the typhoon in the philippines. [i'll find the link if anyone is interested?] i then found these pictures and they really touched something, especially picture 10, 13 and 29. i started crying in front of my computer. then i found out people were saying this was some "act of god" and... now i just don't know what to feel. and this weekend i saw this show--nostradomus effect, i think it was--and it was about nazis and the kkk and how people were still like that. i saw it with a few friends, and we were all tired since it was midnight, and we kind of sat around joking about it--one of my friend is a tall blonde-hair blue-eyes kid. i didn't want to say it in front of them, but it kind of it a little close to home for me because i'm the only non-white kid in my group of friends, and if there are any race-jokes flying around, i tend to kind of be the butt of them. ...ffff. i don't know where this train of thought is going.

to be honest, my family's not the richest in the world. on the retrospect, we're probably low-classed. but for some reason we live in palo alto, which is a rich ass neighborhood. so i kind of feel left out when my friends have two story houses with giant back yards and basements big enough to have parties in. it hasn't really bothered me, but lately i've noticed that whenever we go to someone's house, we never even bring up mine. i totally get it, and i wouldn't complain, but a while ago a bunch of friends came over, and the first thing one of them said was "your house smells funky." mm. and i couldn't really say "oh, that's just the new paint"--which it was--because then they'd get on my back about how defensive i was getting. [shows my great taste in friends] anyway. my mom doesn't work anymore, because no one wants to hire someone who can't speak english and only has experience in computer programming. my dad's company became bankrupt last year, and now he owns a movie rental store. tbf, it just barely pays the bills in a neighborhood like mine. i've been trying to look for a job to help out, but no one wants to hire an oriental girl still in high school, who can't drive.

maybe it's all the stress, maybe it's the menopause, but my mom's been starting to go on and on about us going broke and having to move back to korea. talk which i don't need on top of all this hype about high school and college and being a teenager and just... everything. it also doesn't help that all my teachers are on my back about me "having suicidal thoughts" just because they see me drawing hearts and guns. [i'm not, i promise]

everything just seems to be so wrong this year; is it just me? or am i just pmsing and overreacting?

&flails;

[Orange !!]

it's good to write your feelings out sometimes, so it's good to see you doing that. c:

anyway, about your boyfriend. obviously you aren't a mind reader so you don't know what he thinks, you need to get him to talk to you. it doesn't matter what it takes, talking to him about it on the way home from school, standing in front of the tv or just saying you need to talk. whatever you chose to do, you need to tell him how your feeling and ask him whats going on. if he says that he doesn't want to talk/watch tv, stand your ground and say that it's serious, don't let him walk off without an answer. he's your boyfriend and he's been with you a while so the least you deserve is an explination. to me, it seems like something is on his mind and wants to avoid talking to you about it, however, even if you talk to him and he continues acting this way i'd say you should let him go. you don't need someone to treat you this way and personally, you've given him plenty of times to tell you what is bothering him. you don't need to be constantly worrying about him, especially if everything is piling up. in the end, you have to do what is best for you.

i don't have an opinion on the typhoon, even though it is a tragedy for them all and i feel bad for them. but i can't say 'oh wrath of god' because i don't really believe in him and i don't want a relegious debate. xD

personally, there isn't much you can do about the family moving away. it's amazing enough you're trying to get a job and i'd say keep on trying, even if it is a part-time thing at a local store. have your parents considered moving to a 'less rich' neighbourhood?

shit happens all the time rex but sometimes, most of it happens at once which makes it seem like life is going down the toilet. however, trust me, you'll get over it, you just have to tackle one thing at a time, it's not all going to go away at a click of a finger, unfortunatly. so just stay strong and things will soon sort itself out sooner or later.

much love for you
♥

[vanityandpride]

aw, rex, it's fine. everybody feels crappy sometimes and nobody can say that they don't. so here are my opinions on your problems, and i think i can especially relate with the oriental stuff in there.

about your boyfriend -- i can't say much about him, because i myself have never had a boyfriend before. don't look at me like that, i'm 13 for god's sake! XD. all i can say is that you might want to have a talk with him, as orange said above, because above all, talking is the most important thing to do.

as for the typhoon, i don't have much to say. i can't even see the pictures, and unfortunately, i'm not a christian.

okay, look from what i hear, your friends are pretty mean. or racist. in my school we have people from all over the world. at this school, all the students are real sensitive about racism and all that stuffs, especially my class, we're all really bonded. for example, last week in baseball when i came up to bat, a new kid said, "CHINESE UP!" really loudly like it was a joke. i was so mad, and so were my friends. one of my friends went up and slapped him. thats how it goes in our school, and i'm sure that if you're the only asian in your group, then you're going to either receive a lot of racism or don't take that shit. i hate getting insulted race-wise and i'm sure you do to, so just tell them. it might help. either that or your friends are crappy, NO OFFENSE.

as for your money problems, i live in a rich-ass neighborhood too; but i do have that two story house. my family, however owns two houses -- one in china and one in the us. the one in the states is huge, however the one here is absolutely tiny. we bought it because it's a riverview house. but it's tiny, and it's the tiniest apartment in the whole class. nobody in my class really gives a damn. what i do is i invite my best fwens to my house/apartment/whatever one at a time, because then it seems cozy and fun. maybe you should try that if you're feeling a little left out. either that, or just go with the flow. but then again, i don't see how when someone says your house 'smells funky' when you say 'oh we just painted it' seems defensive.

about your family moving away; korea isn't that bad of a place. that's all i can say. unless you can't speak korean, then that place is hell. but the people in korea are --- meh. maybe you guys could move to a cheaper neighborhood? as for your job, keep trying, okay? maybe ask around your neighbors; babysit, and always suck up to adults. sorry, but it's one of my principles in life, and it will work with getting a job. does your mom cook? this is a far off thing, but maybe she could try and open a restaurant? << = my father's dream.

rexi, i hope you don't take this as offense; you seem a bit too serious in life. i think that if you loosened up and joked around more, some of these problems would be straightened out. for example, if your friends insult you race-wise, insult them back JOKINGLY. if they see you don't take it seriously, you can do these things and still, you know, be happy. same principle with bullies you know, and your friends are being sort of being verbal bullies.

you don't have to take anything i said in here seriously. after all, it's sort of turned into a fiery vent as well.

good luck, rexi love.